“I’m not comfortable in a group of women.”
“People aren’t going to want to share.”
“What if I say something and it gets repeated outside the group?”
“What if people judge me?”
These are all comments I’ve heard from women in my life. They are the very real concerns that women have about being in women’s groups, whether it is for a retreat, a committee, a group class or even a book club.
And since I am co-leading a women’s only weekend retreat in November, (if you missed that big announcement you can check out the juicy details here) it seems like the right time to address this.
Women sometimes struggle to trust that they are safe with other women. And some women come from a default position that there is no way they can trust other women, no matter what.
If you are in that default position, there isn’t much that I can say here that’s going to change your mind.
But what if you are on the fence? What if you have mixed feelings because you have had mixed experiences in your life?
You love, love, love some of the women in your life and don’t know what you would do without them.
But the rest? You are suspicious. You think that they are too (snobby, well to do, uninterested, smart, skinny, fashionable) fill in the blank. So you keep your distance.
But you also know that there have been times when you have gotten to know someone after thinking they were a certain way and then they don’t end up being anything like you thought they were.
Right? You had put things on them that simply weren’t true. Maybe you thought they were cold and indifferent when really they were shy. Or maybe you thought they were uppity when really they were dealing with a very difficult child at home.
What we think about others has a lot more to do with us and our insecurities than about them.
And look, I know it’s scary to put yourself out there if you aren’t used to doing it.
But I know something else too–women coming together is one of the most powerful forces in the Universe.
Did you know that?
Because women use power much differently than men.
Women use power to lift each other up.
Women use power to support each other.
Women use power for the greater good.
And when you come together in a women’s circle you are held and supported in a way that doesn’t exist in your day to day life. And that is empowering.
It is also liberating, soul nourishing and bonding.
Remember that women self select for these groups. If a woman is in the default position that I mentioned earlier–the one where you absolutely do not trust other women—you will not choose to be part of a women’s group. That person will not join the group, because it would be a form of self torture.
The people you are going to find in women’s groups are the ones who really want support and guidance. Ones who come together to say, “You feel like that too? I thought it was just me.”
Women who want to support others and feel that support for themselves as well.
I can personally say that women’s groups have been a balm, a resource and a place where I have felt safe to be my whole self. I am constantly amazed at the care and attention that everyone receives when they come together as women to listen and grow.
Now that I am in a position to form groups, I make sure first and foremost to create a safe container. What is said in the circle, stays in the circle. Everyone honors this ground rule.
So if our kick ass retreat is calling to you, remember that there are other like minded women who are choosing it for themselves too. Women who know that this is going to be a life altering weekend.
Christine and I are so excited about the women who have already said yes and the women who we know are on their way to joining us.
Don’t you want to experience a different kind of powerful?
Join us for the retreat. Do it for yourself. You will be so glad you did, because there really is a different way.
In order to change your life you must first change your mind